Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Challis vs. Orantes

It's no surprise that my father has had a little tantrum here or there during the engagement. I am the eldest of his children (he never even wanted anymore children, the other 4 came due to my mother's insisting), I am daddy's little girl (always have been), and I am one of his best friends. I can talk to my father about anything, always have been able to because he made sure our relationship consisted of trust, communication, and honesty (well mostly on his part..I did lie a few times sorry dad!).

These last few days my upcoming wedding has really been weighing heavily on his mind. I can tell because of what his phone calls and texts consist of...let me clear the air there is no discouragement but rather sadness in his tone. It's tough, this transition for all of us, but for Dad it's quite more. He has always been the constant man in my life. Why just the day before yesterday he called to remind me that I had broken my promise to him. As a little girl I promised Daddy I would marry him someday (I'm marrying someone close enough to his personality that should count for something!) He also texts me to remind me that in a few days I will be losing my freedom completely and that my entire life will change but he does suggest I don't get fat and just try and take it day by day (Maybe that's little girls ask their moms for advice). I try and comfort him and tell him when he is old I will take care of him and I will always be his firstborn but that now I have to create my own family.

Now my intent on writing this post was to explain that my father hit a ridiculous level of emotional attachment. He called me a few days ago to ask me if I was going to keep his last name claiming the Challis name was not as great as Orantes (he did laugh as he said it but with a serious tone he continued). "Why can't he take your last name?" I guess my father forgot he has two sons who will carry on the Orantes name and Josh is the last male Challis so I must produce some males or it dies after this generation. Maybe my father realizes I will actually achieve my goals and become a well-known writer but it will be the surname Challis by which the world shall know me and not Orantes. Maybe he just wants to know he still has some influence in my life. Or maybe he doesn't want to lose his spot in my life. Whatever the reason I just laughed it off and told him I love the name Challis and I'm leaving behind Orantes. He tried to bargain a little by asking me to keep it as a middle name but that didn't work either.

I love you daddy but this little girl is now a woman. Thank you for everything you have taught me, given me, or bought me. But Father now I must become Melissa Zushell Challis. 08/03/12.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

My Minor Meltdown

As I was sitting at work yesterday morning looking at my calendar I had the bright idea of counting the days I had left until I marry Josh. BAD IDEA! As I made my way closer to the day I realized the days were getting smaller and smaller. When I first began this blog I had about 100 days left and now I have about 22 days left until my wedding day. Sadly enough I started to almost hyperventilate! There wasn't enough oxygen in the room and I started to get a little dizzy. I thought Wow so this is what this is like, never having experienced it before it was quite a disgusting feeling to say the least. And before I could have a complete meltdown in front of everyone at the office I took a few deep breaths to calm myself and I tried to think of the reasons why I couldn't breathe.

1. I'm getting married in 22 days!
2. I am going to be a wife
3. I have to cook and clean for this man (I avoid the kitchen like the plague)
4. We are going to be a family
5. We are going to have a lot of bills

As the thoughts entered my mind, I figured well at least my list didn't consist of regrets, missing out on life, or being chained to one man forever. I'm not scared of living the rest of my life wih Josh. I love him more and more everyday. He is the perfect man for me. And I am the best version of me when I am with him. My small panic attack was due to the huge journey I am about to embark, with no map or guidebook we will begin our family and learn by trial and error. It is a big step in my life, but knowing Josh is at my side comforts me and the vision I have for our future together. They always say if you want to make God laugh tell him your plans. Well God has a sense of humor so I have accepted that my life will be full of joy, tears, achievements, sorrows, success, pains, and much more but I have Josh to help me through and with our faith in God we can make it through anything.

I am so thankful I have such a great family and am about to join another great family who loves us and supports us and SHOCKER we all get along! (I hope it continues that way...I guess everyone's on their best behavior at first but for first impressions it was a success).

Life is all about choices, we choose to love or hate; we choose to speak or listen; and we choose to live or die. I have decided to get married and I have chosen to enjoy it with all it's marvels and downfalls.

So in the lovely words of Frobert Frost I hope I too can take the road less traveled in life so that one day I may look back and think "And that has made all the difference".

Monday, July 9, 2012

What's in a Name?,,,, the list goes on and on. Why, Google has hundreds of pages with links to pages that offer names and meanings for names their origin and popularity or just different spellings. As a young girl I thought of what names I could give my future children. I wondered will that sound good as I'm yelling at them from the bottom of the stairs? I put a lot of thought into it and even wrote down a few names in a journal but every few years those names would change. Now that those future children are actually a possiblity Josh and I take every chance we get to think of names we both love for these future rugrats.

The first time we came across this conversation it was probably a few weeks into our courtship. Oddly enough we both love the name Drake. Something I had already decided a while back, so when he told me he liked the name as well it was like finding gold! We both agree we want our children to have unique and strong names. Josh's definition of unique includes "straight from left field-hit you on the head-while you're scratchin it" which means I have to tell him NO when he thinks up of those. His love of all-things-Greek and Roman led me to suggest Alexander as the middle name and he loved it. I secretly chose it because it's my father's middle name as well (a new tradition in my family, both of my brothers share my father's middle name).

We seem to come up with more names for boys instead of girls. Secretly we hope we only have 1 girl. I read online somewhere (so take this at face value) "Attractive people are more likely to have daughters". I texted Josh that and he just laughed and welcomed any challenges. Of course I don't believe it but I do pray we have one baby girl to help soften Josh's heart. A little girl can melt her daddy's heart and change him in ways impossible for anyone else. My father went through his transformation and I have a feeling Josh has a sense of it too but he won't understand it until he is holding her in his arms. With that said we don't have a name for this heartbreaker just yet but we do know her middle name will be Beverly just like her paternal grandmother.

Names can mean very many different things. My name for example means Honeybee. It is of Greek origin. Does that define the person I am? Sometimes we fit our names or our names fit us. Joshua is a rendering of the Hebrew language "Yahoshua" meaning "Yahweh is salvation". It does have more of a bliblical origin and many different meanings as it is translated in Aramaic, Greek, Latin, and even some Slavic languages. The naming of our children is important for they will be known to the world as either Gunner or Richard, Ashley or Penelope. Who decides your future: You or your name?